Won't You Let Me In?
by Enthusiastic Fish
Summary: My oneshot entry for the NFA Cold Challenge. It's set after the events of 11.14. Tim has hidden himself at a cabin in the mountains. He wants to be alone, but that's not what he really needs.


**A/N: **This story is set after the events of episode 11.14 and there are a couple of spoilers for that episode, but there are more for 11.13 (Double Back). I wrote it as an entry for the NFA Cold Challenge. I feel like it's only mediocre, but it was asking to be written. So I wrote it. :)

**Disclaimer:** I do not own NCIS or the characters in it. I also do not own the lyrics to "Frozen" by Delain. It's a great song. I really like it, though.

* * *

**Won't You Let Me In?  
**by Enthusiastic Fish

_Misted windows  
__Hide your empty eyes  
__Every moment, every whisper  
__Separates you from me  
__I've been screaming  
__Won't you let me in?  
__Let me see a trace  
__Of the places hidden  
__Under your skin_

_Answer me,  
__Till the day that you do  
__I'll be one step behind you  
__Answer me,  
__Till the day that you do  
__I'll be waiting here for you  
__~ "Frozen" by Delain_

Tim looked at his watch and then wondered why he had bothered. He didn't care what time it was. He didn't care what day it was. He didn't care what year it was...although he did know that much. The hours, the minutes, even the days had started to blur together.

It was time to chop some more wood. After the days he'd been here with that the only source of heat, he was getting relatively proficient. Relatively.

_Coward._

The voice in his head was louder today. Luckily, it was just his own voice. It wasn't something he couldn't control.

...and he'd thought the word so many times since he'd come here that it was starting to lose its sting. All it was now was truth.

As he walked outside and picked up the axe, he looked up at the sky. The clouds were looking heavy. This could be a big storm, and up here in the mountains, it would be heavy, wet snow.

Better chop a lot of wood.

He started at his task. It was mindless work. He didn't have to think. He didn't have to concentrate. Just rhythmic motions.

How long he'd be staying here...well, that was up in the air at the moment. He wasn't sure what Gibbs had thought about it. Would Vance let him come back? He hadn't really given much notice.

No. Don't think about that. That would lead to the things he had decided _not_ to think about.

_Coward._

He kept chopping wood. When he finally stopped, there was a sizable pile beside him on the ground. It looked like enough even if the storm was as bad as it looked like it could be.

Funny how he didn't mind not knowing. No phone, no computer, no Internet. There was only enough electricity to run the pump for the well. There was extra for cooking when the sun hit the solar panels, but that hadn't been the case in a few days. Luckily, Tim had a supply of food that didn't require much cooking...and cans of soup warmed up pretty well over the fire.

He shivered and realized that he'd been standing, doing nothing for a few minutes.

"Get the wood inside, Tim," he said aloud.

_Coward._

He began picking up armsful of kindling first. Then, he got the bigger pieces for a separate pile. Last of all came the larger logs that would burn much longer, all through the night if necessary.

His only required task done, Tim sat down on the ratty old couch and looked around. One room. ...well, two if you counted the teeny tiny bathroom. He used it as sparingly as possible. He probably smelled bad, but that didn't really matter. After all, who was he trying to impress? Only Gibbs and Vance knew where he had gone.

Delilah would...she...

No, Tim cut off that line of thought as well. He wasn't going to think about Delilah.

_Coward._

The snow started up a couple of hours later.

Tim heard the wind pick up. The cabin was well-built. No drafts that he noticed. It made for a snug feeling as he sat by the fire. There was no bed in here. Just the couch. Pushing away any other thought, he wrapped up in a blanket and closed his eyes. The crackling fire and wind outside lulled him to sleep.

x.x.x.x.x.x.x

There was a pounding from somewhere. Somewhere...

"Hey! Probie! Open up!"

Tim sat up on the couch.

"Tony?"

More pounding.

Tim got up and walked to the door. He'd barred it, not because he had expected anyone, but because he wanted to be sure that the door didn't blow open in the wind.

"Come on, Probie! Don't make me stand out here! It's a howling blizzard! I'm freezing!"

Tim was tempted not to open the door. He had come here to be alone. He had figured that the snow and cold would keep everyone away.

"Please, McGee? Pretty please with a frozen cherry on top?"

Tim sighed. Tony wouldn't leave and if the storm was still raging out there, it would be hard for him to get back to civilization anyway. He couldn't see out the windows. They'd fogged over.

Finally, he unbolted it and opened the door. The wind forced the door open wide and Tony pushed his way inside, covered with snow.

"Man, it's cold out there!"

He began brushing the snow off his shoulders, seemingly ignoring Tim completely.

"I can't _believe_ how much it's coming down out there! As soon as I got off the main road I was driving in a stinking _blizzard_!"

"That's because it _is_ a blizzard, Tony. What are you doing here?"

"Freezing is what I'm doing," Tony said. "Close the door, why don't you?"

Tim rolled his eyes and did as Tony ordered. He closed the door and bolted it again.

"You're getting snow all over the floor, Tony," he said.

"If you had answered the door faster, I wouldn't have so much snow on me," Tony retorted. He finished putting snow into a melting pile on the floor and then he looked around. "Well, this place is a dump."

"Tony, what are you doing here?" Tim asked again. "I didn't invite anyone."

"Yeah, I know," Tony said, sounding serious.

Tim furrowed his brow and followed Tony as he walked to the fire. Tony sat on the couch and held out his hands to the flame.

"Ah, that's better. You've got a good fire going, at least."

"What do you want, Tony?"

"What are _you_ doing here, McGee?" Tony asked. "You up and vanish without a word to anyone?"

Tim scoffed. "Obviously, _you_ knew where I was."

"Stop avoiding the question. What are you doing here?"

"I'm on vacation. I'm allowed. I don't take many of my vacation days during the year, but I had a few left. So I decided to take them."

"And come up here to the middle of nowhere? Why?"

"Because it's what I wanted to do, Tony. I don't see what business it is of _yours_."

"That's all you have to say?"

"Why should I have to say something else? It's the truth!" Tim said.

"So...the fact that Delilah called your desk phone, worried about not having heard from you for days..."

That was part of what Tim didn't want to think about.

_Coward._

He got up and walked over to the kitchen part of the room.

"She said you two had some kind of argument."

"She had no business telling you."

"She was worried."

Tim forced a laugh.

"No reason to be."

"Turn around and tell me that."

Tim forced himself to turn around.

"There's no reason to be worried about me."

Tony raised an eyebrow.

"Wow, McGee. It must have been a doozy. What happened?"

Tim rolled his eyes.

"I don't know what you're talking about."

Tony got up to face him directly.

"She said you kind of shut down. I guess you still are."

"Oh, really? What else did she say?"

"Not much. She was wondering where you were since you hadn't answered your phone in a week. You didn't even bring your phone up here?"

"Wouldn't have had service anyway," Tim said.

"You've been up here for a week?"

"Yeah."

"That's not very smart, Probie."

"It's none of your business, Tony. I won't kick you out since it's a bad storm out there, but as soon as you can, you can leave."

Tim turned back to the counter and filled his coffee pot with water. Then, he walked back to the fire, deliberately not looking at Tony.

"Come on, Tim. Talk to me. What's going on with you? You've been gone for a week, telling only Gibbs, apparently, _not_ telling your girlfriend who's still in the hospital."

"I know where Delilah is," Tim said with annoyance. "You don't need to remind me."

"What happened, Tim? I thought you were okay with what had happened to her."

"I am...as much as I can be."

"Then, what's up?"

"Nothing!"

"Things were going pretty well, weren't they?"

"Still are...as far as I know," Tim muttered.

"Why don't you know for sure?"

"I've been gone for a week."

"What did Delilah say?"

Tim got to his feet again. "Tony, just stop poking your nose in my business! I came up here to be _alone_! I realize that you don't tend to respect what other people want, but you don't have the right to pretend you have all the answers!" He couldn't stay in here with Tony right now. He grabbed his coat, unbolted the door and stalked out into the storm.

To chop some more wood, of course.

_Coward._

He slammed the door behind him and walked over to the pile of wood. The snow was swirling around him, the wind blocking out other sounds. The wood was covered with snow. The wind was cold. That didn't matter. He picked up a log and hefted the axe.

"McGee! Are you out of your mind? What are you doing out here?"

Tim sighed. Couldn't Tony leave him alone for a second? He didn't turn around.

"I'm chopping wood," he shouted back. "What does it look like?"

"Why?"

"Do you want to freeze in the night?" Tim asked. "I don't."

"You have a huge pile of wood in there already! It's a snowstorm! It's freezing! Get inside!"

Before Tim could go back to chopping wood and ignoring Tony, the axe was plucked out of his hand. He spun around.

"Tony! Give me the axe!"

"No way. Inside."

Tim was so irritated that he intentionally ran into Tony as he walked by and shoved him a little. Then, he stomped back into the cabin, pulled off his coat and stomped over to the fire again.

Tony came in behind him, _not_ stomping. He took off his coat and boots and walked over.

Tim refused to look at him. The water was hot in the pot. He could make some coffee. He got the instant coffee he'd bought and put it into the water.

"You ready to talk yet? Or are you going to try and ignore me for the length of the storm?"

Tim said nothing. He was determined to say nothing. He grabbed a poker and started stirring the fire.

"I don't know if I've ever seen you so upset...not even when you told us about Delilah."

Tim gritted his teeth.

"Look, Tim...I may not get what's going on here, but I know it's about Delilah. The fact that she called and was worried tells me that."

Tim still said nothing.

Then, Tony proved that he was still trying to change. He put his hand on Tim's shoulder and squeezed it.

"Hey. Come on. What's up?"

Tim sighed. "Why did you come up here, Tony?"

"Because, if Delilah was worried about what she'd said to you, I figured you were trying to hide from it and, knowing you, you could keep hiding until you didn't ever come back."

Tim laughed a little. "It wasn't that bad."

"Bad enough, though, right?"

"Yeah. Bad enough."

"Tell me."

"I'm a coward, Tony. That's what it is."

Tony was quiet for a few seconds and then he nudged Tim a little bit.

"You could elaborate a little bit."

There was nothing Tim wanted less...but with Tony sitting there, acting so earnest...

"After we got Parsa...things were okay. Delilah's been...working on figuring things out, getting better...stuff like that."

"Yeah?"

"But...she was..." Tim took a breath. "We had a fight, Tony. That's all."

"About what? Why would a fight result in you thinking you're a coward."

"That's what she said I was."

The hand disappeared from his should and Tony turned him around.

"Why?"

"She was..." Tim got up and started pacing, wishing that he didn't feel so hemmed in right now. "...I _felt_ like she was trying to hold me off. She wouldn't tell me how she was feeling. She wouldn't let me help her. I know that she has to figure some things out herself, but I was there to help...and...and she kept holding me at arm's length." He turned around. "I'm in this for the long haul, Tony! I really am!"

"Hey, you don't have to convince _me_."

Tim sighed again and turned away.

"I know. Well...I...told her that she needed to let me in, that I couldn't know what to do if she kept hiding."

"And?"

"And she got mad at me for it. She said that...that it wasn't fair that I was the only one who got to run away when things got hard. I left her at the gala to answer the phone. I left when they got the news." Tim swallowed. "She said that she was just waiting for the next time. I tried to...to tell her that I wasn't..."

He could still see her, so angry and so hurt.

"_Tim, look at me! I'm not running! I can't run from this! If that's what you want to do, then, do it and stop looking at me like that!"_

"_Delilah, I..."_

"_No! Tim, I'm sick of you trying to figure out how you want to treat me. I'm stuck in this bed right now, but I'm still just as human as I was before. I need to know that I can count on you no matter what happens."_

"_You can."_

"_For now. What about the next time?" She shook her head, and he could see the tears in her eyes. "Get out, Tim. Just get out of here and leave me alone."_

"So...I left...and I proved that I was exactly the coward she thinks I am. I ran away. I called Gibbs, told him that I was taking all my personal days. I came up here. It belongs to a friend. ...and I'm such a coward that I haven't dared go back."

Tim swallowed the tears he could feel in his throat. He was _not_ going to start crying in front of Tony. There was a long silence, with only the sound of popping of the wood in the fireplace and the wind breaking it.

"She was sorry, Tim," Tony said, finally. "When she called, Delilah was sorry."

"But she was right, Tony. Abby was right before all this started. I run when things get hard...at least in relationships. I'm always ready for them to crumble and I run before I can get hurt. ...but this time...this time, I let Abby talk me into sticking with it."

"You saying that you don't love Delilah anymore?"

"No!" Tim turned around, feeling naked and exposed. Tony was sitting there with his eyebrow up. "No, I love her! That's the problem. I love her...but I don't... I don't deserve her and I don't know what to do to help her. I feel like everything I try is wrong. Every time I try to help her, I hurt her. That's why I left. I...I figured that would give her an escape from me...and I could hide from all the screwing up I've been doing. I just don't know how to go back, now. I'm a coward. She doesn't need a coward. She needs someone strong."

Tony stood up and walked over.

"She already has someone like that, McGee."

Tim shook his head.

"I just don't know what to do. Everyone has to tell me what to do to keep from being a colossal screw up."

"No, you just _think_ that they do. Guess what, Tim... it's not going to be easy."

"I know that," Tim said, feeling a little annoyed. "I _know_ that it's not going to be easy. My girlfriend is paralyzed! She's trying to learn how to function without being able to use her legs! There are so many things that could still go wrong just from a medical standpoint, let alone everything else. I _know_ it's not going to be easy!"

"And Delilah isn't perfect. This is hard for her, and she lost her temper. She was frustrated and afraid and she took it out on you...because you were there. She feels bad about it, but she can't tell you that if you keep hiding out up here."

"See what I mean?" Tim said. "I just...can't see that."

"You think I would have if it had been me?" Tony asked. "No way. If I had someone shouting at me, I'd be a quivering mass of goo. I can be wise about this because I'm just watching."

Tim laughed a little. Then, he walked back to the couch and sat down with a thump.

"Everything is so hard for her. I don't want to make it worse."

"You're not."

Tim leaned back and stared at the ceiling.

"I want to be in this for the long haul, but I...I don't know if she really wants me to be there."

"You'll need to talk to her about it...not come to a crappy shack in the middle of nowhere. That's not going to make it better."

"Yeah."

"So..."

"So...what?"

"I realize that we can't leave yet, but when the snow stops?"

Tim smiled, finally feeling like he could.

"I've used up all my personal days. I have to go back...unless Vance has already fired me for being an idiot."

"I don't think that's grounds for being fired."

"You sure about that?"

"Well...no, but since Vance likes you, I'm sure you'll be fine. Now, I have a more important question."

"What's that?"

"Where am I going to sleep? I don't see a bed."

Tim smiled again.

"This is all there is," he said, pointing at the couch. "Not my fault you came up here."

Tony looked incredibly dismayed, and Tim relented.

"There are lots of blankets."

"Tell your friend that his place stinks."

Tim laughed. "It's a place to crash, not to live forever."

"Good point. Meaning that it's time to go."

"Not tonight."

"No, not tonight."

Tim got some blankets, gave them to Tony and then lay down on the couch. Tony bedded down on the floor.

Tim lay there for a long time in silence. He figured that Tony was asleep.

"Thanks for coming, Tony," he said softly.

There was a brief silence.

"You're welcome, Tim."

x.x.x.x.x.x.x

The storm blew itself out in another day. Tony and Tim carefully made their way back to civilization. Tim went home and took a shower. Then, he started thinking about going back to see Delilah.

There was a knock on the door.

_Tony wouldn't be coming back here now, would he? Isn't he tired of me? I'm back here,_ Tim thought.

Another knock.

"Come on, Probie! It's not as cold, but I still want in!"

Tim walked over and opened the door.

"What are you doing here, Tony?"

"Giving you a ride to see your girlfriend."

"I can get there myself," Tim said. "I know how to drive."

"I know you do. Come on. Let's go."

Tim grabbed his coat and let Tony force him to get in his car. They went to the hospital and Tony dragged Tim to Delilah's room. She was reading, not noticing the two men in the hallway. Tim hesitated, but Tony pushed him forward. Tim glared at Tony, but Delilah noticed the movement. She saw Tim, and she smiled.

"Tim."

Tim looked back at Tony and glared again. Tony just grinned and walked away.

"Tim?"

Tim looked at Delilah and walked into the room.

"I'm sorry," he said.

"No...Tim, I shouldn't have said that. I almost called you back as soon as you left," she said. "_I'm_ sorry for hurting you."

"It's all right," Tim said. "I was clumsy."

"And I lied," Delilah said.

"About what?"

"I told you I couldn't run away. I can, just not physically. I'm scared, Tim. I'm really scared about...what's coming."

Tim was just standing there, not sure what to do, but then, Delilah held out her hand and Tim almost ran across the room to hold her. Delilah hugged him back.

"Tim?" she asked with her head on his chest.

"What?"

"The next time I tell you to leave me alone...don't."

Tim pulled back and looked in Delilah's eyes. They weren't closed off anymore. He nodded and hugged her again.

"Never again."

"Good."

FINIS!


End file.
